


A oneshot I lovingly call "Fuck you Thranduil"

by KibleeDibleeDoo



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Anger, F/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28555452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KibleeDibleeDoo/pseuds/KibleeDibleeDoo
Summary: Post BOTFA negotiations are still required to ease the tensions between the elves, men, and dwarves. After days of negotiations stalling Thorin's future queen has an idea to help but it might just end in disaster.
Relationships: Thorin Oakenshield/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	A oneshot I lovingly call "Fuck you Thranduil"

"Well, if you do not agree to our terms then the Arkenstone will remain in our possession."

"Listen here you pointy eared bastard! " Thorin raised a hand to silence his cousin, then brought it to his furrowed brow. The meeting continued to go around in circles, as it had the past few days, no side willing to budge on their demands and no concessions being made.

"I think it time we all took a break." Bard, ever the peacemaker, huffed. He was already out of his chair and pouring himself another drink. Dain was all worked up and angling for a fight, which with guards and armies assembled would undoubtedly lead to another war leaving countless more dead.

"Amrâlimê, you have barely spoken work since talks began." Thorin turn to you stood next to his chair and kiss your hand.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to butt in and make things worse"

"I think we are well past that given the bickering that is occurring. If you would like I can have Dwalin go to back to the mountain, at least then one of us can have a reprieve." he chuckled through a pain smile. His patience was wearing dangerously thin.

"No, it's okay." you smiled back. A flash of relief washed over Thorin's face. "Plus, I think I have an idea, but it is going to be umm well a bit insane, possibly a little dangerous, and it might make things a whole lot worse. Do you trust me?" you whispered into his ear.

" Do I trust your judgement? Undoubtably! Your ability to keep yourself safe? Well, that is why we have a small army of guards overseeing the negotiations. If you think it will work, go at least put an end to this, then you have my blessing" Thorin whispered back.

"Excellent!" your hand reached up and caressed his face. As he turned his lips met yours. " if you'll excuse me, I just need to fetch something" you kissed him quickly then left. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------- 

"As I have said before, operations you are requesting at out of the question!" Thorin growled cutting Thranduil off. 

"Do you mind if I cut in?" you asked before Bard or Thranduil could begin again. Thorin smirked and ushered you forward. "My lords, I think it is important we address your request individually as our current approach is getting as nowhere. Lord Bard I hope you do not mind, but I will be addressing the elven king first.

"Very well" Bard seemed a bit taken aback for a moment that consented regardless.

"For my benefit could you please reiterate your demands Lord Thranduil?"

"The necklace made of jewels of Starlight, pay for my soldiers, and compensation for those lost defending the Mountain!" Thranduil snarled.

"and in exchange you will relinquish your claim on the Arkenstone?" Thranduil tilts his head in your direction, his smug way of agreeing. "Brilliant!" you now turned your attention back to Thorin. " as part of my employment contract I am entitled to one fifthteenth of the treasure in Erebor, correct?

"Yes?" everyone was now looking in your direction, confusion plastered across their faces.

"Then I would like to claim this as part of my share" you gesture towards a very distinctive elvish box. " it was after all an item of treasure from within the mountain." Thorin leaned back in his chair, eager to see where you are going with this, while Thranduil’s expression flashes from shock to distain. Your attention now returns to the elven King. "It seems I am now the owner of this beautiful, jewelled necklace that you so desire and unfortunately for you I do not desire the Arkenstone nearly half as much as the dwarfs you were previously dealing with." Thranduil clenched his jaw, trying to keep his composure. He knew he had just lost the upper hand. You knew the calmer you acted the more frustrated Thranduil would become. Afterall, the last time you had engaged the elven king have almost slit your throat trying to get information about the quest from Thorin and yourself. Now you all that scar with pride but still you held a grudge and would do anything to see that entitled elf brought down a peg or two. " Now from where I am standing, I do not see why you are entitled to anything you're requesting. See it was you who assembled your army against us. You were only caught up in the war because you marched on the mountain for selfish reasons!"

"THOSE JEWELS BELONG TO THE ELVES!" Thranduil rose to his full height, likely as a means to intimidate you. However, though he was nearly twice, your size your rage was far greater. You would stand atop the table if you must, to show that Thranduil did not have the upper hand. 

"Those jewels belong to me! Regardless of who they belong to in the past after the dragon attacked, anything in that mountain belong to those brave enough to try and reclaim Erebor and since I am counted among those few these jewels on mine." a smirk crossed your face knowing that Thranduil was struggling to keep dignified. " now the deal on the table is these jewels for the Arkenstone."

"I cannot conduct such a trade. My men -----------” before he could even finish his sentence you cut Thranduil off.

"That is a pity. Oh well, I am sure this necklace will look lovely when I wear it to my wedding” you took the Jewels out of their box and drape them over your neck. " my love do you mind?" Wordlessly Thorin stood, brushed your hair to the side, fasten the necklace and placed a kiss with a gems of Starlight grazed your collarbone then sat back down. It seems he was enjoying how flustered Thranduil was becoming, and he did have to admit he did find it rather attractive when you took charge. “Thank you.” You once again switched your attention to another. “My Lord Dain, what do you think?”

“You look divine my lady.” This earned Dain a quick judging glance from Thorin, you were his one after all. 

“Hmmmm I don't know, it doesn't sit quite right with my scar. “Your hand traced across the stones, feeling their position on your neck as you turned back to the elven king. “No, I think it would be better if we broke it apart for different jewellery. “

“YOU WILL NOT!” It seems that had caused Thranduil to finally snap. The tip of his sword was now firmly pressed against your throat. all had jumped into position. Dwarves, elves, and men all ready with swords drawn. worry exuded from Thorin however he trusted your calmness and held Dain back.

“Go ahead. Spill my blood all over your wife’s necklace. Did she die wearing it?” A single drop of blood landed on one of the sparkling stones. “Did her blood tarnish the jewels as mine now seems to?” You wiped the warm, sticky blood from the gems and tapped Thranduil’s sword to the side, which he lowered in shock. “Oh, did you not expect me to know the history and why you covet this piece of jewellery so much?“ No words were uttered, the entire tent was silent even Thranduil was speechless. “Now I repeat again, the Arkenstone for the necklace. Or I break it up piece by piece it's that simple.” You gave the elven king a sweet smile, but he said nothing “No? Okay. Thorin my dear, do you reckon it is possible to get one of these gems out with just a knife? or will I need a hammer? I want to do it personally you see.” You had already unclasped the necklace and held it firmly in your grasp. 

“A knife should work on some of the smaller stones, aye” Concern had not left Thorin. At any point this could turn deadly. You are pressing buttons that even an orc dare not press. Still, he knew interrupting now would only lead to disaster. 

“Great thank you.” You reached down to your boot and took a small knife from within, then placed the necklace on the table ready to take a stab at disassembling it. 

“Wait!” Thranduil shouted drawing everyone's attention from you. “You have a deal!” He almost sounded defeated. Almost. 

“I will give you this necklace and in exchange you and your army will leave this land. Agreed?” 

“. . . . Agreed.“ Thranduil responded flatly. 

“and the Arkenstone will be returned?” 

“. . . . yes.” Bard and Thranduil exchanged a look but agreed nonetheless. 

“Don't worry Bard, I still acknowledge your claim on the Arkenstone as well.” He gave you a slow nod of acknowledgement. “Then it's a deal!” Thranduil watched as you gently placed the necklace back into its box, then held out your hand to shake on the deal. Apparently, that was not how deals were usually ended in Middle Earth. 

“Come, we should leave these accursed lands!” Thranduil took the box from the table and quickly turned on his heels, not even acknowledging the other Kings at the table. 

“Oh! Thranduil” you called after the elven King. As he turned, you flung a single gold coin at him. “I'm feeling generous. Here, consider this a donation towards your troops.” He scowled and swiftly left, causing Dain to burst into bouts of uncontrolled laughter. 

“Up yours! You gangly bugger!” Dane managed to pant out through laughter. Thorin looked at you full of love, pride, and bemusement. You moved across the room and sat on the table across from Bard. He looked vaguely terrified but concealed it well. 

“Back in Laketown Thorin gave his word that the wealth of the mountain would be shared. Bilbo and I vouched for him.” Bard nodded, not entirely sure where you were going. Your calmness unnerving for all. “If he does not keep his word it would reflect poorly on me. Now I cannot have that. You will receive enough gold to rebuild Dale and Laketown.” You quickly glanced at Thorin to ensure he wasn't already scowling. “Your people will be looked after through the winter and they will receive compensation for the dragon attack and the battle. Is this acceptable?” 

“That is very generous my lady.” Thorin and Bard locked eyes. Thorin’s usual scowl had returned causing Bard to shift his attention back to you. You briefly returned Thorin’s scowl letting him know this was the deal whether he liked it or not. 

“If the King doesn't keep up with payments please inform me. I will ensure everything is taken care of. I took the Liberty of bringing a chest so that you need not leave here empty handed.“ Bard gave you a quick bow and took the chest from one of the dwarven guards, leaving the Arkenstone behind on the table. Turning back to Thorin and Dain you could see they weren't nearly as happy as when Thranduil left. 

“That was far more than I was willing to give, amrâlimê”

“When you failed to provide adequate compensation, you called my honour into question Thorin. Thorin looked slightly ashamed at your remark. “At least I earned you back the Arkenstone my love.” Since you weren't in a caring mood you took the opportunity to sit on your Kings lap. 

“You were very impressive ghivâshelûh” Thorin tilted your chin up to inspect the wound on your neck. It was only minor. and required no further attention.

“Remind me not to get on the wrong side of the future Queen” Dain chuckled.

“You might have to remind me the same cousin.” Thorin smiled giving you a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading if you got this far. im trying to get back into writing and I have a feeling that Thorin oneshots are the way to go. I have so many ideas but they all take place around the same time so its difficult to get them in the same story so fingers crossed you will be able to read some more self insert fic from me.


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